TO: All Employees
FROM: The Prez and CEO
RE: Where do we go from here?
DATE: December 31, 2011
Today we issued a press release regarding the impact the weather had on our final quarter results. As the wonderful, brown-nosing President and CEO of this God-forsaken company, I felt it necessary to put this announcement in perspective for you.
Being in the insurance industry I’m sure you can all agree that 2011 was a rough year for us. The first six months of the year had property and casualty insurers reporting the worst losses since 2001. Hurricane Irene, a freak earthquake in Virginia and Washington, D. C., several tornadoes in areas that never get tornadoes and a whopper of an autumn snowstorm didn’t help matters any.
Because of all these shitty weather-related disasters our company is hurting big time. But hey, that’s the nature of the biz, right? We must continue on and remember that our real job is to keep bullshitting our partners and customers into believing they are dealing with an A-class insurance company. Which of course they aren’t.
Despite all the weather-related challenges we have faced this year, I’m elated with how we responded. I really think this company has the oomph and somewhat talented employees it needs to go forward from here. Although all those other big insurance companies are running around like chickens who have lost their heads (and in the process are making a lot more money than we will ever see), we go from here with the truth and consequence that define us today, which totally sets us apart from all those other moron insurance companies. Yes, there are ones out there that are more moronic than we are.
I know that in the coming months we will beat those insurance bastards at their own game, as they are distracted by all that is happening weather-wise, and we will push on to make ourselves the best of the worst in our industry.
As always I kiss your asses for all you do and want you to keep it up as we go from here to who knows where.
All the best,
The Prez and CEO
bunchesofos
